A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
