Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
