Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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