Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
