You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
