Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is the high leading the old right now
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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