Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
high people should be assigned attendants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
