i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My vagina is officially offended.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
