I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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