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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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