I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
