I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
