I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't make out with my wife yet
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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