you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
