they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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