So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
