A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
