fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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