i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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