i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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