I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
