who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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