Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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