I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
