Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
