from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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