Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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