He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If I die, sorry about rent.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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