gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
