We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
