Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
