why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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