I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
