i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
