Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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