I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
