Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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