I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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