her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
