Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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