Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His hands were made for my vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
