WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
