Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
