I wannas sexs uuuuu
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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