So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
