She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
