I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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