Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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