I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
