I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
