And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
