She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
