My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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