How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
