worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
