glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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