Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
