Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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