Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
