i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
