she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
