Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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