think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
